Jailbait Summer
by Jonathan Morrill
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Price
$500
Dimensions
16.000 x 20.000 inches
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Title
Jailbait Summer
Artist
Jonathan Morrill
Medium
Painting - Acrylic On Canvas
Description
Provincetown, Massachusetts, 1991.
Spiritus Pizza Owner, John Ying-Ling, challenges his friend,Frank Crivelli,
to produce a motion picture on only a one-hundred-dollar budget.
The challenge is met when Frank Crivelli teams-up with Jonathan Morrill,
as they set out to make "the worst possible movie, with the least amount of money,
in the shortest amount of time."
The result is "Enjoy It Pictures" 1992 Release of "Jailbait Summer."
The motion picture opens with a friendly greeting from
"Mr. Tip-Toe Through the Tulips" himself, Tiny Tim.
Opening Credit sequence set to The Ray Coniff Singers "Music To Watch Girls By".
The title cards were written, and illustrated by David Osborne,
who accidentally misspelled both co-directors names;
"Franco Cirvelli" should be "Frank Crivelli"
and "Jonathon Morrill" should be "Jonathan Morrill".
The one-hundred dollar budget provided by John Ying-Ling broke down as follows;
$30 for VHS tape stock, $30 for beer, and $40 for weed.
The story of "Jailbait Summer" begins somewhere on the California Coast
where burnt-out surfer dude "Splash" (Christian Porter) seeks the advice of an old hippie friend "Obie Franco Canobie" (Frank Crivelli),
as to where to go to find new babes and better surf.
Over a heavy joint smoking session, Obie Franco Canobie tells Splash
about a groovy town that he frequented back in the 1960's,
and that back-in-the-day, it was a mecca for girls and surf.
That town is called Provincetown, Massachusetts.
Splash soon decides that his best bet is to start hitch-hiking across the country,
and go to this magical place his old friend has suggested to him.
Splash soon arrives at the tip of Cape Cod, and after a series of failed attempts at "getting lucky", soon meets up with "Axl" (Mario Scaldini),
who is the self-proclaimed "King of the straight scene".
Splash soon discovers the object of his desire in "Jennifer",
flawlessly portrayed by the incomparable Liz Dennis.
A muzak version of The Beatles "All My Loving"
is played as Splash first lays eyes on Jennifer,
and the hysterical Bruce Estey first appears as "Eugene" in this sequence.
The fun doesn't last too long before Axl can't take all of the "fuckers" in his room,
and after kicking them out, Axl proceeds to have a nightmare
where he sells his soul to Satan himself (Franco Crivelli).
Meanwhile, "Arnie" (Russ Meads), leader of the local biker gang "Barbarians"
causes trouble for Splash, Jennifer and Eugene.
As that drama unfolds, "Tuesday" (Mielle Conklin) finally finds herself in Axl's room,
but Eugene is there to remind her that she can't go to the Guns & Roses show with Axl because, not only is it a 16+ show, but the show starts at 8:30 pm,
and that's past her bedtime.
There was this real terrible biker gang in town . . .
"The Barbarians" are planning to ruin the beach party,
as Splash, Jennifer and her brother Eugene are all suffering from "Lack-O-Nookie".
"Splash" and "Obie-Franco Canobie" (Frank Crivelli)
are reunited near the old "dick-docks" of Ptown,
in what Gus Gutterman called "The Best Movie I have ever seen."
Watch for "Folco Lulli's" (Billy Rene) "Banana in my pants" routine . . .
"The Barbarians" came, saw,
but did NOT conquer those fun-loving volley-ball breeders
on Ashtray Beach.
Disgruntled, phony Mohawk-wearing, biker Arnie (Russ Meads),
and his biker buddies, get their asses kicked by Splash, Eugene and Jennifer.
This sequence includes the priceless "cat-fight"
between one biker-chick (Maria La Madrid) and our heroine Jennifer (Liz Dennis).
The wacky wrap-up to this screw-ball comedy,
brings token-nerd Eugene to the smittin' edge,
with bomb-shell narrator (Braunwyn Jackett),
after he's become "The Hero of the Beach" and "The King of Karaoke".
Mr. Michael "Hot Dog" Noons sings us out of all the madness,
in the ending credits of "Jailbait Summer",
with his rendition of "After the Lovin' ",
made famous by Engelbert Humperdinck.
The tag-line for the "Jailbait Summer" premiere, at the Euro Cafe,
in the Summer of 1992 was;
"Come See The Good-Feel Movie of the Summer!"
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January 5th, 2018
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